just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
