Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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