We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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