How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
