I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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