Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he fucked my hip out of place.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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