tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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