literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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