I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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