I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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