I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
