one two three fourrrrnication!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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