i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
