I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
