At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
