So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
