Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
