Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
