1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
