oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
