I CAN MOONWALK!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize