I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
