ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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