You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
