pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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