Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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