Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
