I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
