I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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