Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
