New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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