i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
