I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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