I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
