connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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