Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
ttyl tear gas
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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