Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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