I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
