Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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