i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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