I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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