I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
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Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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