Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
