is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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