I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
they need to just BURY HIM!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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