The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
