I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
