He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
