I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
