Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Can i not drive my cunt home
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
