The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
