Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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