..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We need to rekindle our bromance
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
