I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
