We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You work out of a Hotel?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
