Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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