Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
