Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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