Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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