the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
